Molgan

I have for a long time had my mind set on me having a creative profession in the future. I see myself as talented but still unexperienced. That makes it hard for me when I sit down and try to make something of my own. I am a true perfectionist and quite hard on myself. I want things to be perfect the first time I do it. My realistic brain tells me this is complete madness. Almost nothing is good at the first attempt. My unlogic mind always gets the last saying though, because when I sit down to write or sew, or whatever, I always feel I'm bad at what I'm doing. Not a good thing when what you want to do takes practice and for me I don't want to continue unless I'm satisfied with what I create. Do you see the problem?

I always have thoughts flying around in my head and lately I've been thinking a lot about how I should get myself out of my bad circles. When analyzing my behavior I realized that in my imagined world I am always confirmed, praised and appreciated for what I do, which gives inspiration to continue creating. In the real world I know that everything I (or anyone for that matter) do is not perfect and presentable, but that is not what is important in my stage of creating. Now it's not important what I create, but that I create. I need to find routines and work methods for my creation.

That's when a thought crossed my mind. In Sweden there is a children's book character named Alfons Åberg. My thought is not about him but about his imaginary friend Molgan which exists in Alfons head. I think I need a Molgan. An imaginary friend that always likes what I create. It's not the whole solution to my problems, but from now on I will never be alone when I create. I will have some kind of figure next to me that encourages me to continue creating, cheers on me in hard times and always gives me good reviews. Maybe it won't function as I want it to, but it's at least worth a try. Maybe it will at least give me courage enough to start show what I create, and that itself is a huge step for me.

Still listening to Joanna Newsom. Now I've listened to it for 100 hours.